Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
