This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
