Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
