We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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