Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
