I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize