Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
