as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
