there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
