Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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