i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
