So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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