Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
