I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
