After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
