I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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