If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
