Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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