I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
