so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
