Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
