he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
