What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
