I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish my penis had a tongue
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
