someone get that fucking seahorse.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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