hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
