Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
