You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
