Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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