Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
