I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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