AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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