after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
