That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Holy shit dude........stairs
we should paint friendship bongs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
