just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
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Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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