Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
