in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
