Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
