So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
