when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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