A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
