Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
