i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You are a genius and a whore.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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