I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
