Do you still have your period?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
you never un-have a 4some
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