i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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