3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
