Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
