Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
