so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
