nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
