just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
