Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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