My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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