You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
