I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
