you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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