Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
