I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
