if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
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I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
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But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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