she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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