i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
