Me too!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
