the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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