i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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