ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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