If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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