At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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