She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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