R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
