We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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