Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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