i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
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Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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