My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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